Allowing your happiness to rely on the approval of others is like outsourcing your most valuable asset to the most unreliable and unpredictable team in existence

Whatever you do in life do it for you. Do what is connected to your own desires. Develop your own interests, dream your own dreams and be yourself. 

I spent way too many years of my life making decisions based on how other would perceive me. I wanted to be liked. I was seeking approval - from my parents, my peers, my colleagues, society in general - and I’m not just talking about which shoes to wear with an outfit. Some of these decisions were big and impacted the direction of major areas in my life - such as career, relationships and, ultimately, my wellbeing - for many years to come. And you know what? A lot of these decisions were wrong for me because my focus was more on enhancing myself in the minds of others as opposed to my own. 

Life as a people-pleasing machine takes its toll. There is the simple fact that you can’t please all of the people all of the time so you tend to be constantly on the lookout for the next thing or achievement that will impress whichever cohort you believe you are “letting down”. Living like this takes a lot of energy… so much so that you gradually lose touch with your own dreams and desires. Every so often your almost forgotten authentic self might emerge in the chaos of your mind reminding you of things you’d love to do, dreams you once had, only to be repressed with a reprimand to not be ridiculous and the ever-present fear of what others might think. It is an unfulfilling, dispiriting way to exist that eventually takes its toll. For me, that was depression… and one of the many lessons I learnt is that:  

Allowing your happiness to rely on the approval of others is like outsourcing your most valuable asset to the most unreliable and unpredictable team in existence.

Trying to gain approval of others is like taking appeal pot-shots in the dark because we do not really know what is going on in their minds - their motivations, their traumas, their triggers - and maybe they don’t either. So you may as well learn to be okay with the fact that not everyone is going to like you and get on with following your dreams. 

And yes, as humans we are conditioned to want people to like us and be part of “the tribe”. But I have found as I’ve gradually let go of my approval-seeking, people-pleasing side, the more headspace I’ve had to connect with my authentic self, know what makes me happy and make decisions based on that knowledge. Our decisions carve our path in life and when we make life choices that are aligned to our true selves we increasingly encounter people who genuinely resonate with us. Essentially, we find “our tribe”. 

Clare

xxx